Happy first day of summer! I hope all of you are doing so well and enjoying this beautiful sunshine we've been having the last couple of days. I'm not a huge fan of sweating....but how could you not have an at least "ok" day when it looks like this outside??
It's also a very special day for me and the hubs....Today, we celebrate 3 years of marriage! I know everyone always says this, but I really can't believe its been 3 years. Even though I can't remember my life that vividly before Duane- it still feels like yesterday that we were gearing up for a beautiful wedding. I seriously don't think that day could of been more perfect. When the worst thing that happens is I break my thumb nail getting out of the car at the church (I mean...it did hurt!) then I would say it was a great day. Big shoutout to our 14 bridesmaids, 14 groomsmen, parents, family, and friends that shared in our big day. Three years later I still can't believe it was as amazing as it was! And the thank yous would not be complete without saying how much of an amazing job my sister did with planning, organizing, directing, and executing a great wedding with not a single hitch. It was detailed, organized, and exactly what Duane and I......ok let's be real......its exactly what I wanted! So-- if any of you people in Mississippi or Tennessee need an unbelievable event planned and executed with perfection-- Amberly Collins is your girl! Seriously....I'll put you in touch. Love you sister!
Sooooooooo-- its been awhile since I've posted a good fertility update. When I posted the last entry- I had taken my first round of fertility drugs and was waiting to see if I would ovulate. Well that didn't happen. Which was discouraging at first, but ultimately I had gone into it with absolutely no expectations- just to protect my heart. Well, we started the next round of fertility drugs exactly the same as the first round but with a higher dosage of Clomid (the fertility drug that helps me ovulate!). I started Provera (Satan's drug) on day 28 to help me start my cycle and then I took Clomid on days 3-7 of my cycle.
The one other big change that I made this month was starting on a drug called Metformin. This is normally a prescription given to patients with diabetes or some other insulin related issue. It's a very common drug used to treat PCOS. Since our hormones are so royally jacked up, we often have higher levels of insulin-- which affects fertility. It's also a reason that PCOS patients can have issues with their skin (adult acne is oftentimes referred to as diabetes of the skin). I cannot tell you how big of a struggle it has been dealing with these skin issues for over 2 years now. Talk about a confidence hit when I'm supposed to be a skincare and cosmetic expert but it looks like I don't even know how to take care of my own skin. But I'm telling you people, just being on this drug for about 3 weeks has ALREADY made a huge difference for me. My sister and mom both swear by it and now I TOTALLY know why. My skin has already started to clear up (so thankful for that!). The only problem with starting this new medicine is that I have to figure it out and how my body works with it. I have woken up MANY nights at around 2-3AM and been awake for a good solid hour either throwing up or fighting nausea. It also goes the same throughout the day-- since it messes with my blood sugar I have to make sure I don't let myself get too hungry or I start the whole nausea thing all over again. It's getting better and I'm figuring it all out but there are definitely days that the whole "feel like I'm about to puke every second" gets real old. And before anyone tells me to get ready because that's what pregnancy feels like-- I've heard! But the difference is that I know at the end of 9 months I'll have something to reward me for the many days of nausea. Right now it just boils down to-- Congrats, you're puking!
The biggest piece of good news is that- thanks to the Metformin and my higher dosage of Clomid- it looks like I did at least ovulate on this last round! Yay! Progress! I went to the doctor on Monday and got levels checked and they weren't outstanding (therefore I'll be starting an even HIGHER dosage of Clomid this next round) but at least it does look like I ovulated! Success!
So-- here's where my head is regarding this process-- I
would be lying if I told you there weren't a couple days that I was
ready to throw in the towel on all the meds, etc. because it was just
too hard. But either way (pregnant or not pregnant) because of the PCOS-
I have got to get well. I have fought these issues for two years now
and I needed help. This has become about so much more than just having a baby. Even though that's the ultimate plan (and Lord knows my heart's desire!)- I must figure this out. The first two rounds have been HARD- but because my
body is now starting to get on a cycle like a normal person-- I am
starting to see a change in the positive direction. So- today- I am
content. I am thankful for medicine and technology that can help me feel
better- and learn how to take care of myself- to the best of my ability.
Finally-- as I sit here on the night of my 3rd wedding anniversary...to the most amazing man on the planet, (no, really..) I am so thankful. Pregnant or not- I am so abundantly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. When I was in high school, my youth minister had us draw a stick man and write all around him the qualities that we were praying for in our future husbands. Duane goes above and beyond in EVERY. SINGLE. QUALITY. I prayed for a man of God, integrity and character. Yesterday I watched my husband spend 'who knows what' to buy clothes, food, shoes, and toiletries for a precious college student who had not a single thing to his name. I saw him drop him off and pick him up from work so he could make sure he was able to go to church with us. I saw him offer him a hot shower and a bed to sleep him. I saw him sit down with him and teach him a budget and how to tithe. I have never been more proud in my life. I prayed for a tall, dark haired, athletic man who loved me unconditionally. I got Hottie McHotterson who is STILL taller than me in my highest heels, loves basketball more than life and spends at least 5 minutes every morning before he leaves for work kissing me, hugging on me, and telling me how much he loves me. I prayed for him to have a sense of humor and to be able to make me laugh. I got Duane, who when I text him randomly one day to tell him I sneezed 16 times- he responds-
"Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You!" Haha!
And no matter what God's plan is in our lives regarding children- Duane supports me at every turn. I am so thankful and I am so blessed.
I say NONE of this to brag or come across arrogant about "what I have." I say this to give you hope. I have been the single girl with no hope. Much longer than I've been married, actually. I say this to rejoice in the fact that even though we face struggles and difficulties (infertility, finances, sickness, a break-up, whatever you're facing) that in those deep times of sadness or loneliness- counting our blessings will usually give us some perspective with how rich we really are. Even though it's taking awhile and, at times, frustrating and heartbreaking, to have a baby- I am one blessed little girl. This anniversary day has humbled me, and reminded me of how much God really does love me. When we delight in Him, His plan is to give us the desires of our hearts (Proverbs 37:4)-- He wants to prosper us by giving us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)! How exciting, how humbling, and how beautiful. No matter the circumstance-- together we rejoice!
Thank you guys for your CONTINUED prayers and encouragement. There isn't a week that goes by that I don't have someone telling me they're praying. That is ridiculously cool. Thank you just doesn't even say how much I appreciate you.
I hope that yall continue to join with us on this "trip" (I can't say "journey" one more time...I feel like I'm on the Bachelor...I know there has to be some Bachelor fans who are gagging every time I type that).
Your support is priceless.
Love!
Whitney <3
