Sweet Child Of Mine..

So. The other night I was sitting downstairs pretty late. I was all by myself watching television. Duane had gone to sleep and I was just restless. I came across an episode of Teen Mom. Now, before you judge me- I don't actually keep up with the show. But, D and I watch it from time to time because one of the girls is from Chattanooga and Duane was actually pretty good friends with her "baby daddy" back in the day. So it's actually pretty funny to us. "Funny" may not actually be the word I'm looking for. To be honest- the show makes me pretty sad. Mostly just sad for the children who are born into situations they can't change. But I will say that I appreciate the fact that they show lots of different options like adoption. They also don't seem to sugarcoat the consequences of making adult decisions (premarital sex) when you're NOT an adult and not married. 

Anywho- I did not post to give my opinions on Teen Mom. The point of ALL that is to say that sitting in my living room, downstairs, late, by myself, alone in my thoughts- I had a moment. Now, these moments don't come often. They are actually very FEW and far between. But when they come- they seem to hit me right in the face with a 2x4. (Ouch) Usually these are moments of just unexpected, complete and total sadness. Circumstances become real and the pain comes out. So, let's be real...it's basically one big, fat, snotty, sob fest.

Now, before this post takes a downhill turn into the...."please feel sorry for me" category-- I want to reinforce the fact that this doesn't happen very often. I'm really "okay" about this whole situation- and, like my sister taught me, most often times I feel honored that Lord has called me to a special relationship with Him and to walk a different journey than others. I don't say that to sound prideful or "holier than thou" at all. Just like you have a very specific journey to walk in Christ- this is mine. Deep down on the inside I KNOW that God is in control, I trust Him at His Word, and I know His timing is perfect. Having said that- I'M not perfect. And it is usually the most random things that will trigger these moments.

Case in point: Teen Mom.

As I sat there, at 2 AM, and watched those precious babies and their mommies..
I sobbed. I cried. I sobbed. I cried.
And then I began to pray. I prayed for peace. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for faith. And then for the first time that I can remember...I prayed for my unborn child.

As I prayed and thought about my future baby- I started to think about the importance of being a parent. And even though I'm waiting for that precious day- my responsibility NOW is to do my best to prepare myself for that most important role. So to remind myself- I wrote it down. (Shocker- I know) And I'd like for you to share in this with me.

To my baby:

I haven't met you yet. But I cannot describe to you my love for you. Your daddy and I have prayed and prayed. Here is our prayer:

I pray that you will love the Lord with all your heart, mind, body and soul. I pray that you will view the world- every circumstance, dream, relationship, challenge, obstacle, opportunity, talent, etc- through the eyes of Christ. I pray that you will seek to honor Him in everything that you do. I pray that you know purpose because you have been specifically knit together- hand crafted with love- by the Almighty Himself. I pray that you will use every talent, ability, opportunity, vision, and dream- not to serve yourself- but to know your ultimate purpose of leading others to Christ and loving your brother as yourself. I pray that you will be full of gratitude- extending grace and mercy to those around you- because of the thankfulness that you know from receiving the ultimate pardon. I pray that you will be kind. I pray that you'll be courageous in everything your hand finds to do. I pray that you will chase your dreams with boldness and know that you are called to something great. I pray that you will always feel love. I pray that you will give love freely. I pray for your purity and your willingness to be different- even if the whole world tells you you're 'old-fashioned,' a goody two shoes, or too conservative. I pray that you will stand for the truth at all costs- even when no one chooses to stand with you. I pray for your future mate. I pray that as God is preparing you- He is also preparing him/her for a great ministry where you will serve Him together. I pray for you to be tender hearted. I pray for compassion and that you will always 'give until it hurts' to those who are less fortunate than you. I pray that you will never let anyone make you feel less. I pray that you have confidence in yourself- not because of anything you've done or accomplished- but because you see yourself as Christ sees you and because you know His purpose in you. I pray that you will not strive for an unattainable perfection- but that you will see yourself through the blood of Christ and know that His love covers all your mistakes, mess-ups, and weaknesses. I pray that you will never back down from trials. I pray that you will persevere and never ever give up. I pray that you be the hands and feet of Christ. I pray that you will always know joy. I pray that you laugh- often. I pray that you would follow my excellent example of loving the Mississippi State Bulldogs. :) I pray that you love family. I pray for strength. I pray that you never forget how much you're loved.

You are our precious gift. You were given to us 'for such a time as this.' Gods timing is always perfect- and He is specifically preparing you for huge divine appointments.
Because those preparations are not done- we will wait. And while we wait, I promise...

I promise to love the Lord and seek His will for my life, our lives, and yours. I promise to love your Daddy with all my heart. I promise to honor and respect him- so that you will have a Godly, strong, confident, hard-working father who is treated as the man and leader of our home that he is called to be. I promise to prepare our home for you, cultivate our family, so that you will be raised in a home that loves Jesus first, and each other second. I promise to love others so that I can pass that on to you. I promise to be bold and courageous and follow my dreams so that you can know that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I promise to be wise financially so you can be taught to be a good steward when the Lord chooses to bless you. I promise to better myself and work hard so that you know health, confidence, and work ethic. I promise to always love you. I promise to love you with an unconditional love- as close as humanly possible to the love that our Father has shown to us. I promise to look to the Lord in difficulties. I promise to learn Gods Word and hide it in my heart so I can effectively teach it to you. I promise to laugh. I promise to rejoice- even in times I don't understand. I promise to speak positively- affirming all those around me, including myself, so that you learn that what you speak about, you bring about.

I promise to keep praying. I promise to remain faithful. I promise to love you more everyday- no matter how long it takes for me to meet you. I promise. And I pray.

You are our gift. You have purpose. To God be the glory.

Love,
Your mama.

Do you have a specific prayer you pray over your children? I'd love for you to share it with me. Maybe I can even post a few on this blog so that I can remember them and others will be blessed too. 

Love yall!

Whit <3

What a MIGHTY God we SERVE!

Hey everybody! Hope you're having a fabulous end to summer and a BEAUTIFUL start to FALL! MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!!

It's been a long time since I've updated! Every time I sit down to write I just feel very redundant. It's more of the same ole same ole. Take Metformin every night, take Provera to start my cycle, take Clomid on days 3-7 on my cycle, see if I ovulate, pregnancy text on Day 28- negative....start all over.
I will say, that its been very obvious to me this past month that the medicine is helping to keep my body on a cycle and helping me to feel better. Because-- this last round I messed my medicine up and ending up not taking Clomid at all. HOLY HEADACHES. I have been so struggling with headaches, and tummy issues, and blah blah because I threw my body out of that cycle that it's been getting used to. So pregnant or not pregnant...I'm thankful for the medicines to help keep me regulated. Everything else is up to the Lord...
I'm about to start a fresh cycle tomorrow..SO HOPEFULLY I'll be getting back to normal pretty soon.

NOW....let's write what I came to write. :)

As you well know- my sister is such a mentor to me when it comes to the infertility and female issues. She's been struggling with these things now for well over 6 years. Some would say....she's a pro.

Ok..I would say that...she's definitely a pro.

I have been so thankful for her and how she's been able to guide me through this process step by step. It's someone I can talk to about how I feel, what I'm dealing with, and what to do next. She's also been known to shell out some tough love from time to time...which I'll actually admit...I know I needed it:)
After 3 long years, many medicines, procedures, heartache, disappointment, money, and hard work...her little family is so pleased to announce that they are growing by "two feet.."

 

Lord willing...Baby Collins will arrive in April 2013!

All I can say is....What a MIGHTY God we serve! Our family is absolutely thrilled. He listens to us, He answers us, and He always ALWAYS provides.  

Amber-- I'm so thankful for your example in faith, patience, trust, Bible-study, seeking the Lord, and JOY regardless of circumstance. No one deserves this blessing more than you. Thank you for being there for me! I can't wait to pinch that little baby's sweet cheeks! You know I'm the coolest aunt ever. 

Matt-- Thank you for being there for my sister. Thank you for supporting her- even if you don't understand what it feels like. Thank you for being a great example of a Godly husband and father. You're an awesome Daddy. Way to go PooPoo! :)

Wil Franklin-- WhitWhit loves you more than life itself. You are our precious gift. You have PURPOSE. 

(Even if that means playing baseball at Ole Miss....it will seriously hurt my heart....but I'm always your biggest fan!) You were prayed and prayed for before you were even knit in your mama's womb. Never forget how much you're loved by your Heavenly Father and your family. Thank you for the joy that you ALWAYS bring to us! You'll always be my Superman and I'll always be your "Yois Yane!"

Little Peanut- Oh how you were prayed for! And OH how you are loved! Your WhitWhit is dying to meet you. Always remember-- it is often said that "Aunts are like Mom...only COOLER!" :) We are anxiously preparing and waiting for your arrival. You are our precious gift. You have purpose. To God Be The Glory!

Thank yall for sharing in this excitement with us! Your prayers for a smooth pregnancy, delivery, and healthy baby are ALWAYS appreciated. This has not been easy for Amber- but a million times worth it. Thanks again! 

IT'S BABY TIME! :)

Whit<3

 

Joyful June!!

Happy first day of summer! I hope all of you are doing so well and enjoying this beautiful sunshine we've been having the last couple of days. I'm not a huge fan of sweating....but how could you not have an at least "ok" day when it looks like this outside??

It's also a very special day for me and the hubs....Today, we celebrate 3 years of marriage! I know everyone always says this, but I really can't believe its been 3 years. Even though I can't remember my life that vividly before Duane- it still feels like yesterday that we were gearing up for a beautiful wedding. I seriously don't think that day could of been more perfect. When the worst thing that happens is I break my thumb nail getting out of the car at the church (I mean...it did hurt!) then I would say it was a great day. Big shoutout to our 14 bridesmaids, 14 groomsmen, parents, family, and friends that shared in our big day. Three years later I still can't believe it was as amazing as it was! And the thank yous would not be complete without saying how much of an amazing job my sister did with planning, organizing, directing, and executing a great wedding with not a single hitch. It was detailed, organized, and exactly what Duane and I......ok let's be real......its exactly what I wanted! So-- if any of you people in Mississippi or Tennessee need an unbelievable event planned and executed with perfection-- Amberly Collins is your girl! Seriously....I'll put you in touch. Love you sister!

Sooooooooo-- its been awhile since I've posted a good fertility update. When I posted the last entry- I had taken my first round of fertility drugs and was waiting to see if I would ovulate. Well that didn't happen. Which was discouraging at first, but ultimately I had gone into it with absolutely no expectations- just to protect my heart. Well, we started the next round of fertility drugs exactly the same as the first round but with a higher dosage of Clomid (the fertility drug that helps me ovulate!). I started Provera (Satan's drug) on day 28 to help me start my cycle and then I took Clomid on days 3-7 of my cycle.

The one other big change that I made this month was starting on a drug called Metformin. This is normally a prescription given to patients with diabetes or some other insulin related issue. It's a very common drug used to treat PCOS. Since our hormones are so royally jacked up, we often have higher levels of insulin-- which affects fertility. It's also a reason that PCOS patients can have issues with their skin (adult acne is oftentimes referred to as diabetes of the skin). I cannot tell you how big of a struggle it has been dealing with these skin issues for over 2 years now. Talk about a confidence hit when I'm supposed to be a skincare and cosmetic expert but it looks like I don't even know how to take care of my own skin. But I'm telling you people, just being on this drug for about 3 weeks has ALREADY made a huge difference for me. My sister and mom both swear by it and now I TOTALLY know why. My skin has already started to clear up (so thankful for that!). The only problem with starting this new medicine is that I have to figure it out and how my body works with it. I have woken up MANY nights at around 2-3AM and been awake for a good solid hour either throwing up or fighting nausea. It also goes the same throughout the day-- since it messes with my blood sugar I have to make sure I don't let myself get too hungry or I start the whole nausea thing all over again. It's getting better and I'm figuring it all out but there are definitely days that the whole "feel like I'm about to puke every second" gets real old. And before anyone tells me to get ready because that's what pregnancy feels like-- I've heard! But the difference is that I know at the end of 9 months I'll have something to reward me for the many days of nausea. Right now it just boils down to-- Congrats, you're puking!

The biggest piece of good news is that- thanks to the Metformin and my higher dosage of Clomid- it looks like I did at least ovulate on this last round! Yay! Progress! I went to the doctor on Monday and got levels checked and they weren't outstanding (therefore I'll be starting an even HIGHER dosage of Clomid this next round) but at least it does look like I ovulated! Success!

So-- here's where my head is regarding this process-- I would be lying if I told you there weren't a couple days that I was ready to throw in the towel on all the meds, etc. because it was just too hard. But either way (pregnant or not pregnant) because of the PCOS- I have got to get well. I have fought these issues for two years now and I needed help. This has become about so much more than just having a baby. Even though that's the ultimate plan (and Lord knows my heart's desire!)- I must figure this out. The first two rounds have been HARD- but because my body is now starting to get on a cycle like a normal person-- I am starting to see a change in the positive direction. So- today- I am content. I am thankful for medicine and technology that can help me feel better- and learn how to take care of myself- to the best of my ability.

Finally-- as I sit here on the night of my 3rd wedding anniversary...to the most amazing man on the planet, (no, really..) I am so thankful. Pregnant or not- I am so abundantly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. When I was in high school, my youth minister had us draw a stick man and write all around him the qualities that we were praying for in our future husbands. Duane goes above and beyond in EVERY. SINGLE. QUALITY. I prayed for a man of God, integrity and character. Yesterday I watched my husband spend 'who knows what' to buy clothes, food, shoes, and toiletries for a precious college student who had not a single thing to his name. I saw him drop him off and pick him up from work so he could make sure he was able to go to church with us. I saw him offer him a hot shower and a bed to sleep him. I saw him sit down with him and teach him a budget and how to tithe. I have never been more proud in my life. I prayed for a tall, dark haired, athletic man who loved me unconditionally. I got Hottie McHotterson who is STILL taller than me in my highest heels, loves basketball more than life and spends at least 5 minutes every morning before he leaves for work kissing me, hugging on me, and telling me how much he loves me. I prayed for him to have a sense of humor and to be able to make me laugh. I got Duane, who when I text him randomly one day to tell him I sneezed 16 times- he responds-
"Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You Bless You!" Haha!
And no matter what God's plan is in our lives regarding children- Duane supports me at every turn. I am so thankful and I am so blessed.

I say NONE of this to brag or come across arrogant about "what I have." I say this to give you hope. I have been the single girl with no hope. Much longer than I've been married, actually. I say this to rejoice in the fact that even though we face struggles and difficulties (infertility, finances, sickness, a break-up, whatever you're facing) that in those deep times of sadness or loneliness- counting our blessings will usually give us some perspective with how rich we really are. Even though it's taking awhile and, at times, frustrating and heartbreaking, to have a baby- I am one blessed little girl. This anniversary day has humbled me, and reminded me of how much God really does love me. When we delight in Him, His plan is to give us the desires of our hearts (Proverbs 37:4)-- He wants to prosper us by giving us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)! How exciting, how humbling, and how beautiful. No matter the circumstance-- together we rejoice!

Thank you guys for your CONTINUED prayers and encouragement. There isn't a week that goes by that I don't have someone telling me they're praying. That is ridiculously cool. Thank you just doesn't even say how much I appreciate you.

I hope that yall continue to join with us on this "trip" (I can't say "journey" one more time...I feel like I'm on the Bachelor...I know there has to be some Bachelor fans who are gagging every time I type that).
Your support is priceless.

Love!
Whitney <3

Happy May! An Update...

Happy May Everybody!
Hope you had a wonderful April and are as excited as I am to enjoy a beautiful spring. If I'm being completely honest- I'd have to say that it has definitely been a challenging couple of weeks getting in the swing of things with all my meds and things like that. I decided to go ahead and document all the "procedures," dates, and medications thus far in the process-- mainly for my benefit so I can keep it all straight.

SO! Here it is...

October 2011-- First doctor's visit with new gynecologist in Chattanooga to pursue fertility treatment. 
That day, we determined that I definitely had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) by the irregularity of my cycles, weight gain, acne, and most importantly from the ultrasound that showed I had a "string of pearls" (small undeveloped cysts) in both of my ovaries. This is a very common thing in women with PCOS. Hence the name "cystic" ovarian syndrome. But basically-- what it all boils down to-- is that fertility will be a struggle because of higher levels of testosterone in my system causing all these issues and most frustrating- causing me not to ovulate. We decided that we would go forward in making sure my tubes were all clear of any other blockage and then proceed with the first rounds of fertility drugs. So I marched my happy tail up to the appointment desk- made that bad boy for an x-ray and went on my way. Pleased I had found a good doctor!

November 2011-- Hospital Appointment for the X-ray to make sure my tubes were clear. 
I woke up early that morning and had to be at Park Ridge by 7AM (thank the sweet Lord for Mary Kay so I don't have to be up that early every day). I checked in at the front desk and was led to the waiting room to wait for my appointment. As I was sitting there, half asleep, checkin' facebook/twitter/etc (you know the important stuff)- I looked down and realized I was wearing a hospital bracelet. It began to dawn on me that this was not the kind of X-ray I thought it would be. I thought to myself, "Self...why am I at the hospital at 7AM wearing a hospital bracelet for an 'x-ray'...shouldn't the doctor's office have an 'x-ray' machine...should I have my husband with me?...Is this gonna hurt?..." Now...let's just pause for a moment...what do YOU think of when you hear X-ray? Does a dimly lit room, lay on the table, take a picture, "hold real still", image come into your mind? Yeah...me too.
WELL....that's a big fat negative. I was ushered to a 'prep room' and instructed to change into a hospital gown. (Side-note: had a minor panic attack while changing...that's fair right?) Then I proceeded to have the most painful, invasive, embarrassing, emotional "procedure" I've ever had. Dang it was bad. And I was ALL ALONE! To spare you the details, let's just say that because of certain complications I had to actually have the entire procedure done TWICE. Happy happy joy joy. Well- because of the pain, the balloon, and the dye that they shoot into your system to "x-ray" (HA!) my tubes-- this thing put me in the bed for about two days. The worst part was that I was completely blindsided, unprepared, and alone. For goodness sakes I woulda had my husband if I'd a known! OH and the gargantuan hospital bill that arrived a few weeks later... That was fun. Since insurance covers NO fertility. That day was a barrel of laughs!
My doctor and I went through a brief separation in our relationship...but he apologized...so I forgave him...so now we're back together.
Anyway-- the silver lining is that my test results came back great with no blockage and no apparent reason we shouldn't be able to conceive! All worth it.

After this procedure- my doctor called and advised us to wait 2-3 months to start any fertility drugs because couples have been known to get pregnant soon after. The reason being because the tubes are widened so much (ouch) with the balloon so they can shoot the dye through your system and perform an x-ray. He ended the call with a..."Great! Now go forth and be fruitful!" Gotta love him. Well obviously that didn't exactly happen...so we proceeded with my next appointment to begin the process.

Mid-March 2012-- First doctor's appointment to actually start fertility treatment.
I went in very optimistic with the intention to decide on how we should get this party started. Duane had to work and gave me the go ahead to discuss it with my doctor and make the best decision. We were already pretty certain that he would just start me on Clomid and try that for a few months. Well that's what we decided to do. Since PCOS keeps my body from staying in a regular cycle and most often I don't ovulate- I was prescribed Provera (as my sister affectionately calls it the devil drug) to start my cycle and then Clomid which is a fertility drug to help me ovulate. I left encouraged and excited but not really with any expectations just to keep myself from being brokenhearted.

April 4, 2012-- Started Provera. 
This drug is started on Day 28 and taken for 10 days.
We affectionately call it the "devil drug" because it throws your body into a cycle it doesn't naturally want to be in. It definitely made me not feel like myself at times and I was for sure a 17 on the 1-10 emotional scale. But I was super thankful for my unbelievable support system in my husband, friends, and family.

April 20, 2012-- Started Clomid.
This is taken from days 3-7 on my cycle to help in the ovulation process.
(Side-note: Kind of made me chuckle that I started doing "drugs" on 4-20)

April 30, 2012-- Started taking At-Home Ovulation Tests

So that's where we're at. I will be very transparent when I say that there were several "rough" days on this first round. I haven't ovulated yet so far- even on the medicine. So that's been really frustrating. It's hard to fight feelings of failure and like there's something "wrong with me." Having the "future of our family" on my shoulders can also be a little worrisome and exhausting--but ultimately I know God has a plan. I am thankful for my sweet friend Jen who made sure to remind me that God doesn't need me or my body to make a baby. So the feelings of having something wrong with me are completely a tool of the enemy. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. Even when sometimes I don't feel like it.
I also can't finish a post without giving HUMONGOUS props to my precious husband who has been unbelievably supportive through all of this! Even on the day that (while taking Provera) I looked at him and said, "You're not doing anything wrong...in fact you're being really sweet...but you're still irritating the fire out of me. So I'm just gonna give you a fair warning that for the duration of this car ride I may snap at you several times. I'm just gonna apologize in advance." (Haha!) He affectionately responded, "Okay honey...I'm just gonna sit here, be quiet, and mind my own business. That ok?" Poor baby. He's a champ.
Oh how I love him so.

Once again-- THANK YOU to you all of you that have been praying for us, calling, texting, messaging, etc. Also thank you to so many of you who have continually affirmed the decision to go public with this process. I know there may be people who don't understand. Maybe you think its crazy I would share these things (I agree a little), or think its crazy that Duane and I are starting these things while we're still so young.. Some may think-- you've got so much success in front of you... why not accomplish more before kids...
I just want to clarify because I have answers for both:
1. We went public with this struggle for two very intentional reasons. It is healing for me to write and document, and we hope to make an impact on the lives of others who are also dealing with the same.
(Plus I felt an intense leading from the Lord to share for a really long time....in my heart I kinda feel like that's explanation enough.)
2. As a family, we feel the Lord is calling us to this for a reason. Being prayed up about the issue- Duane and I feel a strong calling to be parents and feel the same calling about starting the fertility process right now. My prayer is that this decision can be respected and honored by all who know our story. Our God is most important-- then our present family and future family run a 1000000% close second.

Thank you so much for all the support and allowing me to lay my heart on the line about a really personal issue. I'm OBVIOUSLY not a doctor so I hope these explanations are easy to understand. I kinda feel like a blind man trying to describe the color purple. But...I look forward to continuing to update this process. I want to encourage anyone else dealing with the same....please continue to reach out to me so that we can lift each other up. This does not have to be an issue that consumes your thoughts, your life, your being....it's very easy to allow yourself to get to that place. But let's join together...lifting each other up so that the ONLY thoughts that are allowed to be entertained in our minds are thoughts of gratitude, hope, and positive expectancy of blessings to come!

Love you all!
-Whitney <3

THANK YOU just isn't enough..

I literally cried all day yesterday.
It was the good cry.
I mean, it was the ugly cry- so I'm sure I just absolutely looked a HOT mess all day-- but I could not contain my emotions because of what all you guys did for my soul. Over 100 people (I counted) sent me texts, FB messages, comments, phone calls, etc. to tell me that they are praying for Duane and me or to tell me how much the blog touched their hearts. Even people I didn't even know were sending me sweet well wishes. I was LITERALLY blown away. As I pushed "post" on that FB status yesterday- my hands were shaking, I felt a pit in my stomach and all that fear came rushing back of how taking something so personal onto FB would be received. What would people think of me? (how selfish). It gets even better....I was so nervous and scared that I text my husband, my mom, my dad, my sister, and my in-laws and begged them to read it and 'LIKE' it. I even sent this text to my friend Jen- "I'M ABOUT TO PUKE! PLEASE GO ON FACEBOOK AND LIKE MY POST SO AT LEAST ONE PERSON WILL.....OH AND TELL YOUR MOM TOO!!" It's kinda like when you're a kid and have to sing a solo at church or you tryout for the cheerleading squad (and you know you absolutely suck) but you know you can count on your mom to be in the crowd giving you a standing ovation...even yelling "That was so great! That's my daughter!" (At least my mom did-- by the way- thanks for that mom! You really are the best!) That's what yesterday felt like.

And then you people show up.

And so selflessly send me message after message after comment after text to tell me you're praying for me. THANK YOU. I have no other words to describe the feelings I had-- just disbelief, shock....deep down, genuine, hardcore gratitude. It was such affirmation for me that the Lord had led my family to this place for a reason. Because here's deal, pickle. (Is that joke old yet?) One of the things that touched me the most was your stories. Whether you are struggling with the same issues, or HAD struggled with the same issue and were giving glory to the Lord for your precious bundles of joy, or you were telling me someone else's story that had dealt with the same issue-- I was floored. I HAD NO IDEA that so many of my precious facebook friends fought this battle with me...and my mom...and my sister. I had such an emotional connection to you beloved sisters and to your friends and family members. So many of you expressed agreement about how private this struggle is and how this is an issue that is most often a very lonely suffering. If no one in your family or friends has ever dealt with this type of "hitch in your get-a-long" then it can be strange to them and your pain can be dismissed with one of those awkward "I don't know what to say so I'll just give you the-- 'you know it will happen in God's timing' lines." Which is a 100% wholeheartedly true statement. But if that's ALL you ever get- in those deep-rooted times of despair, where you feel like a complete and total failure as a woman, a wife, and a mother (anybody relate? I know I can't be alone on this island!) you NEED other women to share in this burden with you. Let's face it- our husbands rock. I know mine is the foundation of our family, our faith, and our marriage. BUT- sometimes there are those times that he just doesn't understand. Which is totally ok! I can't expect him to know what it feels like to go 4 months without a menstrual cycle and then have AUNT ROSEY arrive 'large and in charge' for six weeks straight. (Thank goodness he doesn't get it-- can you imagine if we BOTH dealt with that?! Holy HORMONES!...the Lord knew what He was doin' there baby!)

In those times, you need your sisters. 
Prayer warriors.
Heart connections.
Bosom buddies. (Anne of Green Gables, anybody??)
To put it in simpler terms....YOU NEED YA GIRLS!

I am very blessed in the fact that I have my real sister to walk this journey with me. For the past 5 years, I have seen my sister, Amber, (or Amberly- for those of her friends who know her from college on..) walk a long, hard, emotional, heart wrenching walk with infertility. She always put on a brave face- but I knew this process was taking a toll on her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I saw her gain weight, have severe acne, have her hopes so high- just to see them come crashing down with a big fat NEGATIVE pregnancy test. I saw her host baby shower after baby shower (because those that know her know she can throw a SERIOUS par-tayy!) for so many of her friends, celebrating at the hospital, loving on those babies- with genuine sincerity of love and excitement for her sisters. All the while fighting her own desperate battle and longing to one day- get to experience being celebrated. It was rough. My heart suffered with her. But through it all- most importantly- I saw her faith. I saw her and Matt (Matty PooPoo...you're welcome) stand together as a unit and proclaim the promises of the Father! I saw other women step up to lay hands on her and pray. And just like we celebrated today......

Sunday came.

On April 6, 2008- positive pregnancy test.
November 26, 2008- the greatest gift our family has ever received came into this world as a healthy 5lb 15oz baby boy--- Wilson Franklin Collins.

This precious child has brought more joy to our family than I ever thought was possible.

 Wil Franklin Collins-- You are our gift. You have purpose. To God be the glory.

I'm writing these things to obviously give us hope. And like many of you reading this post, Amber is still riding this rollercoaster of infertility in the hopes of bringing a second baby to our family. 3 1/2 years and 5 failed artificial insemination treatments later (the same procedure that brought us Wil Franklin on the first try)- we are still 'praisin' and 'prayin' for the Lord to grant her the desires of her heart. 

To my dear sister-- I stand beside you in this process and as a prayer warrior for you. I KNOW that because of your faithfulness and example- the Lord WILL answer our prayers.

I am not perfect, I am not super-Christian-- in fact, I had a terrible morning getting ready for church-- hating my body, hating my skin issues, calling myself horrible names, snapping at my husband..I could go on. (on EASTER....of all Sunday mornings to be focused on myself)

But I can say this as truth-- God is doing big things among us this weekend. He is bringing together a band of sisters to pray, hold each other up, and stand firm on the promises of Jesus. How fitting that on this Easter weekend- as we celebrate our risen Lord- that He is creating a movement of hope among His daughters. You, my dear sister, may not be experiencing infertility but I can guarantee almost every person who comes across this blog is fighting their own battle within. Some of you may be completely alone and some of you may already have an army of people surrounding you with whatever struggle you are facing. Regardless of situation or struggle- let us be who the Lord has called us to be. Let us stand together as warriors (Xena comes to mind-- if only I could pull off that outfit!) praying for each other, lifting each other up, sharing our stories, and as my sweet friend Jeanine Redman so graciously wrote to me yesterday..."holding up your arms until you're strong enough to hold them up yourself."

YOU- (as I speak to myself as well)- are a daughter of the King. You were bought at a very steep price. Your worth is more precious than rubies, more costly than gold. Remember- you have purpose. You were fearfully and wonderfully crafted by the hands of the Almighty. God does not make mistakes. You are not a failure and you are not alone. Because of your worth and your inheritance, you will be tempted to believe the lies of the evil one whose only agenda is to steal, kill, and destroy you. Do not believe him. Recognize it for what it is and go into battle protecting yourself with your spiritual armor provided by our Commander in Chief. Your sisters stand beside you. This. Will. Be. Epic. Because we know Whose team we're on. And our Team always wins. I am praying for you. Pray for me too. We stand together. 

Thank you again for your response to my first post about this process. I cannot begin to express our gratitude. Yes, please continue to pray for us as we proceed with everything. I still plan to document the process and share stories of this journey. But more importantly- please continue to share your stories with me- so that we can build this community together- prayin', praisin', hopin', and lovin' our fellow sisters. Infertility or 'get pregnant every time you sneeze' kind of girl-- you are loved and appreciated. From the bottom of my heart- thank you for what you did for me and Duane yesterday. I hope we can continue this journey together. 

-Whitney <3

Oh, Baby! Here it goes...

Anyone ever hear the Matt Redman song, "Never Once?" Well- if you haven't- minimize this screen, open iTunes and download it NOW and put it on repeat.....You'll thank me later. And everyday after that. It's that amazing! I'll give you a little snippet....check out these powerful lyrics:

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Um, HELLO. What words of celebration of God's power and perfect peace! Peace that He says "transcends all understanding..." (Phil. 4:7).

This particular song has been such an encouragement to me in the past several months. No matter the struggles-- as believers, we are NEVER ALONE! Even in times where we need to be carried... held.
He will.

Having said that, I have been burdened to share one of my most intimate struggles. A struggle that is just beginning- with no clear timeline, end result, or surety of success. I'm not sure where to start. I've been laying awake at night at the thought of sharing this publicly. Be vulnerable? Open myself up to criticism? Have people 'feel sorry for me'? All of these fears have been brewing at the thought of opening up about this process. I heard a very wise woman say one time, "The tragedy is NOT having struggles or learning life's lessons-- the real tragedy is persevering through that struggle, and not reaching back to encourage someone else learning the same lesson." I honestly believe God brings us through trials, most importantly, to back us into a corner with no other options but to trust Him. Without trials, it is impossible to strip away selfishness and belief in oneself and surrender your whole being, desires, abilities, and plans to the Ultimate One. But also- how can you share in another person's pain with genuine sincerity- if you yourself have never felt the same sorrow? "Encourage one another and build each other up.." (1Thess. 5:11)

Well, here it goes.

We're going on 3 years of marriage. I am more blessed as a wife than I could ever imagine. My husband is a stud. He's hott, he loves the Lord, he loves me, he's not too macho to hold my purse in public....yeah I'm a lucky girl. Very soon after we were married (a LOT sooner than I expected) the famous question was CONTINUALLY asked. "When will yall have a baby?" "Do you want kids?"....etc....all. the. time. At first, it was funny. We would laugh and say-- "No no no...hold up! Not yet! Too soon!" But as time wore on, that question got harder and harder to stomach. Because underneath the jokes- I knew about my struggle. I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). It is not life threatening or fatal. It's genetic. I've seen my mom and my sister struggle with the same issues (you can check out my sister's 5 year journey on her blog: www.havingandembracinghope.blogspot.com). But symptoms include weight gain (check), hormonal imbalance (check), irregular menstrual cycles (check), acne (check), etc....but most frustrating.....infertility.

So I'll just say it. To answer the question often asked..."When will you guys start trying for kids?"

We are trying.
We have BEEN trying.
For over two years.
I'm struggling to have a baby.
We'll be seeking medical help, along with faith, to have a baby.

SO-  Duane and I have made our decision. We will openly share our plan of hope. We will be open about the (embarrassing, stressful, frustrating, emotional, scary, faith-building) process.
For two reasons.
1. It is healing for me to write. By expressing what I'm feeling and not isolating myself alone with my thoughts- I can process. I feel refreshed and renewed.
2. To encourage someone else on the same road. To make it "OK" to discuss something that is often privately suffered.

That's it. That's why I feel called to document this process.

But here's the deal, pickle. (here's the dill, pickle...get it?...anywho) This is not meant to be sad, or depressing, or to make you feel sorry for me, or to make me look or sound like victim. This is meant to be a celebration of HOPE! A celebration of the promises of my precious Savior.....promises for prosperity and a future! (Jer. 29:11) My God is specifically named Jehovah Jirah which means He is my God who PROVIDES! He has a plan for little ole me and Duane. And I believe with my WHOLE heart that a precious son or daughter (hmmm....maybe tall, dark haired, hazel eyed...just a suggestion!) is included in that plan. He has given me an incredible desire to be a mother- but with that same desire He has given me such a sense of contentment in His timing. I may not feel that everyday because I'm human and I can get frustrated and overwhelmed with the best of 'em. But TODAY- I am content. Right now, I look forward with such joy to the day that I can look my precious child in the eyes and wholeheartedly say, "You are our gift. You have purpose. To God be the glory."

In closing, there's a couple of things I need from you...
1. Support in prayer. We'll take all we can get.
2. If you are a family member or friend and you have children or are expecting a child, NEVER feel like it makes me sad or can't be discussed around me. I am so incredibly thrilled for anyone to experience the blessing of life!! PLEASE let me get ahold of your baby's sweet cheeks and love on them! That is one of my GREATEST joys.
3. If you or someone you know are struggling with infertility- please message me on FB or shoot me an email (whitneyblomberg@gmail.com) so I can add you to a prayer list. I'm a part of a community of sweet ladies who are specifically praying for those dealing with infertility. You can be added anonymously if you're not comfortable sharing your story publicly, but please know you are not alone. You are loved, you are not a failure- and there are people who are waiting to lift you up in prayer.

I plan on updating this blog whenever there are updates in this process. I have had a couple of "procedures" and have started my first round of fertility medicine. So I will be posting a little bit more detailed entry of those things here in the next couple of days.

Thank you again for sharing with Duane and I in this process. I could have a positive pregnancy test on this first round....it could be years....we don't know. But regardless- I hope that you leave this blog with a sense of hope, peace, positive expectancy, and love for those around you because you never know what struggles could be lurking underneath a smile. But as the song says.....

Scars and struggles on the way....but with joy my heart can say...
Never once did we ever walk alone..
No!
We never walk alone...


-Whitney <3