Happy May Everybody!
Hope you had a wonderful April and are as excited as I am to enjoy a beautiful spring. If I'm being completely honest- I'd have to say that it has definitely been a challenging couple of weeks getting in the swing of things with all my meds and things like that. I decided to go ahead and document all the "procedures," dates, and medications thus far in the process-- mainly for my benefit so I can keep it all straight.
SO! Here it is...
October 2011-- First doctor's visit with new gynecologist in Chattanooga to pursue fertility treatment.
That day, we determined that I definitely had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) by the irregularity of my cycles, weight gain, acne, and most importantly from the ultrasound that showed I had a "string of pearls" (small undeveloped cysts) in both of my ovaries. This is a very common thing in women with PCOS. Hence the name "cystic" ovarian syndrome. But basically-- what it all boils down to-- is that fertility will be a struggle because of higher levels of testosterone in my system causing all these issues and most frustrating- causing me not to ovulate. We decided that we would go forward in making sure my tubes were all clear of any other blockage and then proceed with the first rounds of fertility drugs. So I marched my happy tail up to the appointment desk- made that bad boy for an x-ray and went on my way. Pleased I had found a good doctor!
November 2011-- Hospital Appointment for the X-ray to make sure my tubes were clear.
I woke up early that morning and had to be at Park Ridge by 7AM (thank the sweet Lord for Mary Kay so I don't have to be up that early every day). I checked in at the front desk and was led to the waiting room to wait for my appointment. As I was sitting there, half asleep, checkin' facebook/twitter/etc (you know the important stuff)- I looked down and realized I was wearing a hospital bracelet. It began to dawn on me that this was not the kind of X-ray I thought it would be. I thought to myself, "Self...why am I at the hospital at 7AM wearing a hospital bracelet for an 'x-ray'...shouldn't the doctor's office have an 'x-ray' machine...should I have my husband with me?...Is this gonna hurt?..." Now...let's just pause for a moment...what do YOU think of when you hear X-ray? Does a dimly lit room, lay on the table, take a picture, "hold real still", image come into your mind? Yeah...me too.
WELL....that's a big fat negative. I was ushered to a 'prep room' and instructed to change into a hospital gown. (Side-note: had a minor panic attack while changing...that's fair right?) Then I proceeded to have the most painful, invasive, embarrassing, emotional "procedure" I've ever had. Dang it was bad. And I was ALL ALONE! To spare you the details, let's just say that because of certain complications I had to actually have the entire procedure done TWICE. Happy happy joy joy. Well- because of the pain, the balloon, and the dye that they shoot into your system to "x-ray" (HA!) my tubes-- this thing put me in the bed for about two days. The worst part was that I was completely blindsided, unprepared, and alone. For goodness sakes I woulda had my husband if I'd a known! OH and the gargantuan hospital bill that arrived a few weeks later... That was fun. Since insurance covers NO fertility. That day was a barrel of laughs!
My doctor and I went through a brief separation in our relationship...but he apologized...so I forgave him...so now we're back together.
Anyway-- the silver lining is that my test results came back great with no blockage and no apparent reason we shouldn't be able to conceive! All worth it.
After this procedure- my doctor called and advised us to wait 2-3 months to start any fertility drugs because couples have been known to get pregnant soon after. The reason being because the tubes are widened so much (ouch) with the balloon so they can shoot the dye through your system and perform an x-ray. He ended the call with a..."Great! Now go forth and be fruitful!" Gotta love him. Well obviously that didn't exactly happen...so we proceeded with my next appointment to begin the process.
Mid-March 2012-- First doctor's appointment to actually start fertility treatment.
I went in very optimistic with the intention to decide on how we should get this party started. Duane had to work and gave me the go ahead to discuss it with my doctor and make the best decision. We were already pretty certain that he would just start me on Clomid and try that for a few months. Well that's what we decided to do. Since PCOS keeps my body from staying in a regular cycle and most often I don't ovulate- I was prescribed Provera (as my sister affectionately calls it the devil drug) to start my cycle and then Clomid which is a fertility drug to help me ovulate. I left encouraged and excited but not really with any expectations just to keep myself from being brokenhearted.
April 4, 2012-- Started Provera.
This drug is started on Day 28 and taken for 10 days.
We affectionately call it the "devil drug" because it throws your body into a cycle it doesn't naturally want to be in. It definitely made me not feel like myself at times and I was for sure a 17 on the 1-10 emotional scale. But I was super thankful for my unbelievable support system in my husband, friends, and family.
April 20, 2012-- Started Clomid.
This is taken from days 3-7 on my cycle to help in the ovulation process.
(Side-note: Kind of made me chuckle that I started doing "drugs" on 4-20)
April 30, 2012-- Started taking At-Home Ovulation Tests
So that's where we're at. I will be very transparent when I say that there were several "rough" days on this first round. I haven't ovulated yet so far- even on the medicine. So that's been really frustrating. It's hard to fight feelings of failure and like there's something "wrong with me." Having the "future of our family" on my shoulders can also be a little worrisome and exhausting--but ultimately I know God has a plan. I am thankful for my sweet friend Jen who made sure to remind me that God doesn't need me or my body to make a baby. So the feelings of having something wrong with me are completely a tool of the enemy. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. Even when sometimes I don't feel like it.
I also can't finish a post without giving HUMONGOUS props to my precious husband who has been unbelievably supportive through all of this! Even on the day that (while taking Provera) I looked at him and said, "You're not doing anything wrong...in fact you're being really sweet...but you're still irritating the fire out of me. So I'm just gonna give you a fair warning that for the duration of this car ride I may snap at you several times. I'm just gonna apologize in advance." (Haha!) He affectionately responded, "Okay honey...I'm just gonna sit here, be quiet, and mind my own business. That ok?" Poor baby. He's a champ.
Oh how I love him so.
Once again-- THANK YOU to you all of you that have been praying for us, calling, texting, messaging, etc. Also thank you to so many of you who have continually affirmed the decision to go public with this process. I know there may be people who don't understand. Maybe you think its crazy I would share these things (I agree a little), or think its crazy that Duane and I are starting these things while we're still so young.. Some may think-- you've got so much success in front of you... why not accomplish more before kids...
I just want to clarify because I have answers for both:
1. We went public with this struggle for two very intentional reasons. It is healing for me to write and document, and we hope to make an impact on the lives of others who are also dealing with the same.
(Plus I felt an intense leading from the Lord to share for a really long time....in my heart I kinda feel like that's explanation enough.)
2. As a family, we feel the Lord is calling us to this for a reason. Being prayed up about the issue- Duane and I feel a strong calling to be parents and feel the same calling about starting the fertility process right now. My prayer is that this decision can be respected and honored by all who know our story. Our God is most important-- then our present family and future family run a 1000000% close second.
Thank you so much for all the support and allowing me to lay my heart on the line about a really personal issue. I'm OBVIOUSLY not a doctor so I hope these explanations are easy to understand. I kinda feel like a blind man trying to describe the color purple. But...I look forward to continuing to update this process. I want to encourage anyone else dealing with the same....please continue to reach out to me so that we can lift each other up. This does not have to be an issue that consumes your thoughts, your life, your being....it's very easy to allow yourself to get to that place. But let's join together...lifting each other up so that the ONLY thoughts that are allowed to be entertained in our minds are thoughts of gratitude, hope, and positive expectancy of blessings to come!
Love you all!
-Whitney <3
