Well well well- long time no see! How are y'all!?
Happy NEW YEAR!! I just KNOW 2013 is going to be the BEST year YET!
It's been a long time
since I've updated and I know y'all have just been hanging on to the
edge of your seats waiting to know what's happening with my uterus- so
please accept my sincerest apologies! :) There's a couple reasons I
haven't updated. The first is just that until I have something earth
shattering to share (ha!), it's hard for me to just sit down and type.
The second is because for the majority of the last couple of months I've
dealt with a LOT of frustration and heartache- and every time I sat
down to explain what was going on- it was just too much. I have to say
that these last few months have been some of the hardest we've had
"fertility-wise." Now let me be really clear about this one thing before
I elaborate... We are SO thankful with all the blessings that have been
poured out on us recently- so please don't read this as a "let me
complain about my life post." Because let's face it- Duane and I have a
TON to be thankful for. Baby or no baby- I am humbled and in awe of how
great of a life we lead and what our future holds. God is good. He is
teaching us, He is pruning us, He is chiseling us in a LOT of ways. So
even in the heartache times- God is good. Am I super Christian and able
to confidently proclaim God's goodness everyday in the midst of a trial-
uhhh NO. But regardless of when I'm faithless and I waver in my trust
and belief- God is still faithful.
On to the last couple of months....
The last time I updated in September I was about to start a new round of
fertility drugs. It was also during that time my hubs quit his full
time job and went to work for himself (whoooo!! So proud of my babe!!).
The only glitch was having to change insurances because we had
originally had insurance through his job. We got it worked out- the only
problem was that my doctor was not covered on our new insurance. Now,
I'll have to say- I wasn't exactly devastated because I was very
frustrated with my doctor at the time. In his defense- fertility is not
his specialty so I just felt like we had come to a point in our
relationship that we each needed to move on. Now keep in mind- on all of
these hormonal drugs- it is very trying on your emotions (can any of my
metformin/clomid/provera sisters relate?!?). So even with feeling ok
with my decision to find a new doctor also came the emotions of.........
Oh. My. Gosh. Am I really starting this ALL over again????? I felt
stuck. I felt helpless. I felt like I had wasted almost a year of
putting my body through you know where and back. I'll go as far as to
say I felt.... Unimportant.
So insert my brilliant plan ...here....
At the end of September I was over it. I immediately took myself off ALL
my medicine.
I quit.
I gave up.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I felt like
everything I was doing wasn't working- so why should I put myself
through that kind of misery for..... Well.... Nothing.
Also, the first week of October- my sweet granddaddy went to be with
Jesus. Hard. I then got the flu and had 2 cortisone injections in my
left knee joint. Ew. And ouch. So for the next month- I blocked it out. I
didn't talk about it- I tried not to think about it and I pretended
like everything was fine and dandy. When in reality- I cried almost
every night. October was a rough month that I'd prefer not to think
about.
Insert God intervention ...here...
One of my best friends and roommates from college, Katie, and her
husband Todd, were in town for a friend's wedding and wanted to meet up.
We got together at Starbucks, talked, laughed, and did some catching
up. Boy, have me and this girl got some stories! Good times. Anywho- she
asked about my fertility stuff and I just honestly told her I was
struggling and had taken myself off everything. I just had to take a break for
awhile. Also, that I was on the look out for a new doctor. Katie's dad is
actually a gynecologist in the Jackson, TN area- and we've always
talked about how I wished I was more local so I could just be treated by
him. Someone I trust. She told me she'd be praying for me- we wrapped
up our visit for them to get on the road and then we were on our way.
A few nights later- I was laying in bed and was honestly, going to bed
feeling really ding dang dong sorry for myself. (Not me!) It had been a
rough couple of weeks, I was exhausted, not feeling good, and having a
downright- good ole pity party in my head. Poor pitiful me.
I begrudgingly picked up my phone to pull up my bible app so I could
check the day's 'quiet time' off the list. When to my surprise the verse
of the day read something like this: "always give thanks for ALL things
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father.."
Ephesians 5:20. I was instantly convicted for my terrible attitude and
lack of perspective. So, laying there in bed, I started making a list of
everything in my life I was thankful for. It immediately brought me
back to reality at what a blessed life I lead. I asked for forgiveness
and honestly- went to bed feeling a little stupid for my 'woe is me'
attitude.
The NEXT day really changed it all for me.
At about 9pm I got a call from none other than, Dr. D, Katie's precious
dad. I get all teary thinking about that conversation. He told me that
Katie had explained my situation and he wanted to help. He treats PCOS
multiple times a week, and if I'd have him, he'd like to treat me and
help me get healthy. We talked strategy, symptoms, medicines, and
emotions. He called in my prescriptions and within one day I was back on
track, renewed, with clarity and a heart full of gratitude. I went from
being helpless and feeling unimportant to feeling loved and cared for
by someone who knows how to help me. God answers prayer and is just
BEGGING us to trust Him. He wants to PROVE His unfailing love to us EVEN
when choose to be faithless.
Over the next several months I began another couple of rounds of
medicines, started feeling normal again, and even got to visit him in
his office in Jackson. You know God has blessed you with an incredible
doctor when the first words out of his mouth in that office are, "Ok
sweetie, lets pray." And he specifically asks The Lord for wisdom in his
treatment, so that His will is done, and for my assurance that it isn't
medicine, but the Great Physician at work. The best thing he said to me
that day was, "Sweetheart I want you to know that God hurts with you-
He hears you- and His heart hurts with yours." How comforting to know
that even though God has called me to walk this specific journey with
Him- He still hurts with me and feels my heartache.
My medicine has been successful in getting regulated and making me feel
better. With Dr. D's advice and some prayer- we've decided to hold off
with fertility drugs for the next several months and focus on treating
the symptoms of PCOS. We do this with the hopes that when we start trying again-
I'll be healthier and the road will be a little smoother.
So there it is- 4 months in one. I want to praise The Lord for where He
has brought us. When the road gets tough, my nature is to run and hide
(hey, remember when I took myself off all my meds?!) but thankfully The
Lord doesn't do that. He always stands firm. He never wavers. He never
fails us. And He is always faithful.
Katie: Thank you for being a 'soul sister' and for standing by me down
this road. And for all that you've done in helping me stay connected
with your dad, office visits, a place to stay, and always lots of fun! I
love you more than you know. You're an incredible friend.
Dr. D and Mrs. Liz: Thank you so much to the love you've always shown
our family- but especially in how you've gone completely out of your way
to make sure I'm cared for medically, emotionally, and spiritually. I
don't know what I've done to deserve friends and another set of
'parents' like y'all- but I am SO thankful. I know The Lord is going to
continue to pour His blessings on y'all for as much as you give to
others. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I love y'all!
Now, this post would not be complete without a shout-out to my awesome sister who is going to be 29 weeks on Saturday!! Praise the Lord!! This pregnancy has been HARD. It's been scary at times, but as you all well know- we serve a pretty cool God. He has purposely sustained this pregnancy- and even where she stands right now- this baby is VIABLE! To God be the GLORY! Baby Henry- you are already one tough cookie and your WhitWhit cant wait to squeeze those sweet cheeks!
Thank you for your continued prayers. It's incredibly cool to have
people who actually care about what's going on in my world. And to all
of you girls still walking this road with me- when the going gets tough-
there's only one place to turn- its to the Savior. He hears. He hurts
with you. He knows your heartache. And only HE can offer the comfort,
peace, and hope that you need.
I love y'all.
<3 Whit
