THANK YOU just isn't enough..

I literally cried all day yesterday.
It was the good cry.
I mean, it was the ugly cry- so I'm sure I just absolutely looked a HOT mess all day-- but I could not contain my emotions because of what all you guys did for my soul. Over 100 people (I counted) sent me texts, FB messages, comments, phone calls, etc. to tell me that they are praying for Duane and me or to tell me how much the blog touched their hearts. Even people I didn't even know were sending me sweet well wishes. I was LITERALLY blown away. As I pushed "post" on that FB status yesterday- my hands were shaking, I felt a pit in my stomach and all that fear came rushing back of how taking something so personal onto FB would be received. What would people think of me? (how selfish). It gets even better....I was so nervous and scared that I text my husband, my mom, my dad, my sister, and my in-laws and begged them to read it and 'LIKE' it. I even sent this text to my friend Jen- "I'M ABOUT TO PUKE! PLEASE GO ON FACEBOOK AND LIKE MY POST SO AT LEAST ONE PERSON WILL.....OH AND TELL YOUR MOM TOO!!" It's kinda like when you're a kid and have to sing a solo at church or you tryout for the cheerleading squad (and you know you absolutely suck) but you know you can count on your mom to be in the crowd giving you a standing ovation...even yelling "That was so great! That's my daughter!" (At least my mom did-- by the way- thanks for that mom! You really are the best!) That's what yesterday felt like.

And then you people show up.

And so selflessly send me message after message after comment after text to tell me you're praying for me. THANK YOU. I have no other words to describe the feelings I had-- just disbelief, shock....deep down, genuine, hardcore gratitude. It was such affirmation for me that the Lord had led my family to this place for a reason. Because here's deal, pickle. (Is that joke old yet?) One of the things that touched me the most was your stories. Whether you are struggling with the same issues, or HAD struggled with the same issue and were giving glory to the Lord for your precious bundles of joy, or you were telling me someone else's story that had dealt with the same issue-- I was floored. I HAD NO IDEA that so many of my precious facebook friends fought this battle with me...and my mom...and my sister. I had such an emotional connection to you beloved sisters and to your friends and family members. So many of you expressed agreement about how private this struggle is and how this is an issue that is most often a very lonely suffering. If no one in your family or friends has ever dealt with this type of "hitch in your get-a-long" then it can be strange to them and your pain can be dismissed with one of those awkward "I don't know what to say so I'll just give you the-- 'you know it will happen in God's timing' lines." Which is a 100% wholeheartedly true statement. But if that's ALL you ever get- in those deep-rooted times of despair, where you feel like a complete and total failure as a woman, a wife, and a mother (anybody relate? I know I can't be alone on this island!) you NEED other women to share in this burden with you. Let's face it- our husbands rock. I know mine is the foundation of our family, our faith, and our marriage. BUT- sometimes there are those times that he just doesn't understand. Which is totally ok! I can't expect him to know what it feels like to go 4 months without a menstrual cycle and then have AUNT ROSEY arrive 'large and in charge' for six weeks straight. (Thank goodness he doesn't get it-- can you imagine if we BOTH dealt with that?! Holy HORMONES!...the Lord knew what He was doin' there baby!)

In those times, you need your sisters. 
Prayer warriors.
Heart connections.
Bosom buddies. (Anne of Green Gables, anybody??)
To put it in simpler terms....YOU NEED YA GIRLS!

I am very blessed in the fact that I have my real sister to walk this journey with me. For the past 5 years, I have seen my sister, Amber, (or Amberly- for those of her friends who know her from college on..) walk a long, hard, emotional, heart wrenching walk with infertility. She always put on a brave face- but I knew this process was taking a toll on her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I saw her gain weight, have severe acne, have her hopes so high- just to see them come crashing down with a big fat NEGATIVE pregnancy test. I saw her host baby shower after baby shower (because those that know her know she can throw a SERIOUS par-tayy!) for so many of her friends, celebrating at the hospital, loving on those babies- with genuine sincerity of love and excitement for her sisters. All the while fighting her own desperate battle and longing to one day- get to experience being celebrated. It was rough. My heart suffered with her. But through it all- most importantly- I saw her faith. I saw her and Matt (Matty PooPoo...you're welcome) stand together as a unit and proclaim the promises of the Father! I saw other women step up to lay hands on her and pray. And just like we celebrated today......

Sunday came.

On April 6, 2008- positive pregnancy test.
November 26, 2008- the greatest gift our family has ever received came into this world as a healthy 5lb 15oz baby boy--- Wilson Franklin Collins.

This precious child has brought more joy to our family than I ever thought was possible.

 Wil Franklin Collins-- You are our gift. You have purpose. To God be the glory.

I'm writing these things to obviously give us hope. And like many of you reading this post, Amber is still riding this rollercoaster of infertility in the hopes of bringing a second baby to our family. 3 1/2 years and 5 failed artificial insemination treatments later (the same procedure that brought us Wil Franklin on the first try)- we are still 'praisin' and 'prayin' for the Lord to grant her the desires of her heart. 

To my dear sister-- I stand beside you in this process and as a prayer warrior for you. I KNOW that because of your faithfulness and example- the Lord WILL answer our prayers.

I am not perfect, I am not super-Christian-- in fact, I had a terrible morning getting ready for church-- hating my body, hating my skin issues, calling myself horrible names, snapping at my husband..I could go on. (on EASTER....of all Sunday mornings to be focused on myself)

But I can say this as truth-- God is doing big things among us this weekend. He is bringing together a band of sisters to pray, hold each other up, and stand firm on the promises of Jesus. How fitting that on this Easter weekend- as we celebrate our risen Lord- that He is creating a movement of hope among His daughters. You, my dear sister, may not be experiencing infertility but I can guarantee almost every person who comes across this blog is fighting their own battle within. Some of you may be completely alone and some of you may already have an army of people surrounding you with whatever struggle you are facing. Regardless of situation or struggle- let us be who the Lord has called us to be. Let us stand together as warriors (Xena comes to mind-- if only I could pull off that outfit!) praying for each other, lifting each other up, sharing our stories, and as my sweet friend Jeanine Redman so graciously wrote to me yesterday..."holding up your arms until you're strong enough to hold them up yourself."

YOU- (as I speak to myself as well)- are a daughter of the King. You were bought at a very steep price. Your worth is more precious than rubies, more costly than gold. Remember- you have purpose. You were fearfully and wonderfully crafted by the hands of the Almighty. God does not make mistakes. You are not a failure and you are not alone. Because of your worth and your inheritance, you will be tempted to believe the lies of the evil one whose only agenda is to steal, kill, and destroy you. Do not believe him. Recognize it for what it is and go into battle protecting yourself with your spiritual armor provided by our Commander in Chief. Your sisters stand beside you. This. Will. Be. Epic. Because we know Whose team we're on. And our Team always wins. I am praying for you. Pray for me too. We stand together. 

Thank you again for your response to my first post about this process. I cannot begin to express our gratitude. Yes, please continue to pray for us as we proceed with everything. I still plan to document the process and share stories of this journey. But more importantly- please continue to share your stories with me- so that we can build this community together- prayin', praisin', hopin', and lovin' our fellow sisters. Infertility or 'get pregnant every time you sneeze' kind of girl-- you are loved and appreciated. From the bottom of my heart- thank you for what you did for me and Duane yesterday. I hope we can continue this journey together. 

-Whitney <3